I'm still here 🌸

I know it's been a while. More likely it's been many whiles - like years to be exact.

Looking back this all was something that I probably should've documented more in form of writing, but I guess I must've been too exhausted from all the studying and working at that time.

Last time I posted was when I was only trying to get into art schools and vigorously photographing with analog which resulted in me not truly understanding what I was doing but more importantly why I was doing it. Time consuming. No self-reflection, no development. 

Today for some reason I bumped into a video on youtube about blogging and realized - I too have a blog!

So what has changed after that last post?

Everything.

In 2014, after 4 tries and multiple setbacks, I eventually got into an art university in Lahti (I think the proper framing would be LAMK), majoring in photography. This was the beginning of the journey that has reshaped me and truly changed the direction I was otherwise going to drift into.

I managed to apply for an exchange to Netherlands in 2016 and was crying happy tears when hearing I was the only one selected there. It was meant to be a short exchange of 4 months but eventually I decided to stay and graduated from there in 2019. Best years of my life hands down - the quality of the courses and the variety of the teachers that came all over the world made the education like nothing I've ever experienced. But I think it was mostly the people around me; I saw everyone striving to be and do better, which at first of course made me feeling anxious of not being able to perform at the same level.

After understanding how little I had put effort before into anything I was doing, this honesty made me change that pattern I was feeding into. I started to study harder and question the quality of my work; why was I studying photography, who I was making it for?

Of course during these times studying there is surely different, since most of the lessons I learned was happening in the classrooms; discussing about photography and selections, critiquing fellow students and learning how to take critique and not be shy about it.

I knew I wanted to come back home after graduation, though I also had built a life there. Maybe I was just missing the easiness and clarity. Things to just work out without me being the tourist with as small things as paying my taxes.

One thing I knew was that my studying was not finished. I was actually somewhat hungry for more, to find a close community of like-minded people to share my views and thoughts on photography and what we were all doing. This resulted in me applying to Aalto University to study my masters - soon my first year is done :-)

Theres so much I'd want to tell you about the exchange, but mostly I want to say one thing. If you have the opportunity to go, to live somewhere else - you should do it. It doesn't even have to be an exchange, you can apply to study elsewhere if you cannot make it here in Finland. You'll always be able to come back. We come up with tons of false beliefs of our own abilities. Neglect them and do it anyway.

There's no one artistically oriented in my family, and I held this belief as my greatest excuse. I used it everytime something didn't work out, thinking it was just because I wasn't raised in a creative environment. I remember trying to find people who I could relate to, but found myself in between - not being artistic enough nor academic enough.  

So I want to share my journey to everyone who finds it difficult to see how it could be done. 

I'll be writing about my studies and what I have learned, and I hope you'll find it helpful❣️

-Sonya

@sonyamantere